Have you already forgotten about the red handkerchief?
by Traveling Moon
Summary: In Episode 219, Kondo failed to make a path of love for him and Otae from the Men's bathroom to Women's bathroom . But what if he had actually suceeded? What if the things have turned out differently? Don't forget, Kagura and Okita were also there. This one-shot is based on episode 219!


**Have you already forgotten about the red handkerchief?**

"Adults are 200 yen. Children are 100 yen," said the bathhouse owner. Her voice was flat; as though she was getting bored of the phrase she had been saying her whole life.

Kagura glared at her, looking greatly offended. "Don't treat me like a child. I'm a woman now. Charge me another 100 yen."

"Shut your mouth," said Gintoki, his hand tightened around two one hundred yen coins. After all, that was all the money he's got. He didn't want Kagura to come after him in his sleep if by any chance he'd have to abandon her out here because they didn't have enough money. "Lady, I have a soul of a boy, so how's 200 yen for both of us sound?"

Without waiting for her answer, the silver haired samurai ducked under the banner that read 'Men' and walked straight to the bathhouse.

Kagura popped her head from the side of the table cutely and tilted it to the side. "Gin-chan, please give me another 100 yen. I want to have some coffee milk after my bath."

"You can drink the water in the bath, you brat." Gin replied without looking back. From behind, he could hear her huffing, but chose to ignore it. This was one of those rare chances they'd get after getting paid for completing the job, which, should be contributed to paying their rent. But who was he to care? He's the protagonist of this successful anime, dammit! Rents and those bothersome stuff doesn't belong on his equation of 'happily- lazy- after' life.

Sliding the door to the changing room open, Gintoki was greeted by a shiny pair of glasses and shiny butts.

"Huh? Why are you here, Gin-san?" Asked Shinpachi, the owner of those glamorous glasses.

"Commercial break finally ends and they're treated to a shot of your ass?" Gin asked for the audiences, referring to Shinpachi with his stripped underpants pulled half way down. "Why are _you_ here?"

"There was a special about hot springs on TV, so Sis decided she wanted to enjoy the large bath."

"You should've tossed her into a big puddle or something," Gin commented with annoyance while taking off his clothes, "I figured I would have the place to myself."

"Nice to see you, too," Shinpachi sneered, "You were probably going to peek at the women, right?"

Gintoki picked up his bucket and walked off to the bath along with Shinpachi.

"I'm not gonna pick a fight with Agnes."

They slid the door open, and once again, were greeted by an unsightly visual.

…A sight of a stalker gorilla policeman committing a crime which would probably be reported as 'sexual harassment'.

"Oh, sorry! There's construction work being done on this bath, so could you go somewhere else?"

That being said with his voice nearly drowned in the noise of the drill against the wall, Shinpachi marched up to his sister's stalker and shoved the tool that might have made it to women bathroom down Kondo's butt hole.

"AGHHHHH!"

"Hey, how did the gorilla find out?" Gintoki deadpanned, "I don't want to share a bath with him. I'll probably catch some kind of disease."

"You're the disease," came the unwelcoming voice of the vice commander who was soaking in the bathtub, "you can use the tepid kiddy bath over there. It's probably your style."

Okita Sougo, yet another crime-committing police officer (who should be report as SM torturer), spared a glance at Gintoki from the kiddy bathtub he occupied at the moment and replied;

"That's the Hijikata-san we know. A real Edo boy loves steaming in hot baths."

"Yeah, this ain't hot enough. Load'er up."

Out of nowhere, Okita grabbed a box of food ingredient and poured its content down the water.

"Here."

"Oii! Where'd you get the leftover water from cooking yakisoba?!" Hijikata yelled, before turning to another side to see Gintoki splishing and splashing around his strawberry patterned underwear in the bathtub.

"I'll use this chance to wash the underwear I was wearing. Saves money."

"This isn't Ganges River!"

"Stop it, people!" Kondo spoke up in the bath, sitting there as if there was nothing wrong with his own actions, "we're here to take a bath. If you're going to make ruckus, leave! Otae-san can stay!"

Gintoki whipped his puffy head around, eyeing the other party, "You're obviously not here to take a bath. If you're looking for a quick cleaning, jump in a washing machine. This is no place for dirty bastards like you!"

He's got his Yato stepdaughter on the other side of the wall, too, after all. If something unthinkable were to happen, Umibozu and Kagura herself would probably wreck the hell out of Earth. Not to mention that violent woman, Otae. Geez, did this pervert gorilla want to die? Because Gin-chan certainly did not! This was supposed to be a peaceful night for him, and he does not mean it in a sense of 'rest in peace' too!

"What was that?! I'll Vidal Sassoon your pubes!"

"Hah?! I'll pluck out your ass hair one by one!"

"Get out! You're in Vidal Sassoon territory!"

"Fine! Let's take this outside! I'll show you what tweezers can do!"

"Okay! And I'll show you the power of Vidal Sassoon! Beware, you are about to be teach some respect! Where is the exit?!"

Kondo got up and hastily shoved Gin's shoulder. Gin staggered back a few steps, regained his balance, and pushed back with all his might.

"You can try all you want, but we tweezers have no respect or mercy for hairy asses!"

Soon, the two were running and throwing water buckets at each other. Amidst that boiling battle, Shinpachi ducked his head and tried to avoid flying objects while also shouting;

"Cut it out, the two of you! That's really dangerous! You shouldn't run around the pool or in the bathroom, wasn't that taught in kindergarten…"

Of course, the wise glasses man didn't get to finish his sentence. Gin threw himself at Kondo who couldn't avoid in time. Kondo received full impact, and the two slipped to the side, banging hard into the already-damaged wall(from Kondo's construction work). Shinpachi's jaw dropped. Hijikata and Okita stared; Gintoki and Kondo froze.

Silence override the bathhouse. After a while, nothing happened. Gin slowly pushed himself up and laughed shakily, "haha, that was a close call…"

_Swishhh._ Went the sound of his feet against the wet floor, conveniently covered in purple lotion which must have been a part of their fight at some point. Gintoki's leg – former warrior's leg- shot up in the air, and landed at the wall with a loud thud, as if God was playing some sort of bad joke. His head jerked back, hitting the floor painfully. And before Gintoki had a chance to cry in pain, swear, or even made a sound, the wall crumbled and came crashing down.

* * *

Looking at the floor, Okita could see two wiggling bodies laid out artistically under the rubble. Considerably quite funny, judging from his sadistic perspective. He saw Hijikata rubbed the bridge of his nose, preparing for the disaster to come. Shinpachi dropped the hands he'd thrown over his head earlier and was only left with an astonished look. Then Okita threw himself over the edge of the bathtub, sprinting along the floor to be the first to get out of the bathroom which would be turned into a massacre scene very soon. He'd be safe first, he was sure of it. He was a quick thinker, more so than any others in there who hasn't gotten up on their feet to escape the wrath of female gorilla kind yet.

Then he saw her.

Kagura, wrapped in a single yellow towel. Her salmon pink hair was dripping of glistening water drops. Her cheeks and skin glowed light pink from the hot water which made the thin towel around her clung to her curves. Then she lifted her azure eyes from under her drooping lashes and finally looked at him. Her face questioning, and her pink lips parted into a slightly shocked gesture.

"What the fuck?" She murmured.

The ground was swept from underneath him, and Okita fell back, crashing into piles of stacked buckets. The tower of buckets fell down with great sound, one bonking him on the head.

"Kyaa! Perverts!" He heard Otae screamed. He rolled his eyes up-side-down and saw her holding on to a spiky weapon of some sort. _Where the hell did she get that from?_ He wondered. But then again, Kondo, his commander, managed to get a drill into a bathhouse. Who was he to question that?

Kondo scrambled up to his feet. Even in this situation, he could not hide his happiness. His arms opened into an unneeded hug. "Yes! Finally, my path of love opened up! Now, fly into my arms, Otae-san!"

Oh, it came flying, alright. Her spike, that is.

Kondo went down with gurgling noise, blood bubbling from the corners of his mouth. The looked of horror warped everybody's face as Gin pushed himself back, scooted away from the possibly dead body of Kondo.

"W- Wait! We have an explanation for this! Calm yourself…"

BOOM! The spike smashed down on the floor between Gin's legs. He looked up, and saw Otae's weapon laid out on where he might've been a few seconds ago.

"OIII! Were you trying to kill me!?"

Kagura's figure appeared from behind Otae. She stepped into the Men's bathroom, glanced at Gin disgustedly then used the tone one would when speaking to their adolescent son.

"Hiroshi! Mommy is very disappointed in you! I've never meant to raise a peeping tom of a son!"

"Who the hell is Hiroshi?! More like, I didn't do it! It was all that Vidal Sassoon's fault!"

Okita rolled over and pushed himself off the floor, felt slightly dizzy from the blow in the head. _What was that? Did I just think of that monstrous, illegal immigrant, Chinese Mafia violent immature brat as… perhaps, probably not, no way in hell… charming? Nah. I hit my head. This must be what they called concussion. It is truly terrifying. Not something I would ever wish for my worst enemy… I should give Hijikata-san concussion someday. _

Kagura dropped her gaze from Gintoki, and moving on to Okita next to pick a fight;

"You bastard! How dare you just blast a hole in the wall like that… I paid 100 yen to get a peaceful bath once every 6 months, you know?!"

She stepped in front of him and smashed down her umbrella (which came out of nowhere. But then again, he got leftover yakisoba water in here too. So he shouldn't be the one to comment on this topic) on him. Okita avoided the attack then pulled out his sword which was hidden inside his bucket for Hijikata's assassination plan. Immediately, the two went at war without caring for anyone else.

Shinpachi dunked his head under water to take cover. Hijikata put a bucket over his head to avoid getting recognized. Gin screamed for his dear life, using the half-dead Kondo as a human shield. Otae smiled darkly and swung her weapon into a cycle of ending life.

"Ha," Okita smirked, sword swaying side to side, "you're slow, China. What's wrong? Shy?"

"As if!" Kagura replied, batted her parasol at him with full force, "I'm moving faster than your little ass could ever move. What? You're not looking at me? Scared? Are you scared?"

"Don't please yourself. Why should I be scared of a little with no curves at all, wrapped in a cute little yellow dandelion towel?"

"Exactly what I was wondering. Why should I be shy in front of a guy who has no c*ck to use, much less, wrapped in a cute little yellow Pikachu towel?"

With that said, the two got even more agitated, and decided to bring it up a notch.

Gin watched their battle with terror. He wasn't afraid of Kagura getting hurt or anything like that, he knew she was strong enough to protect herself. However, the speed they were moving in was starting to scare him. Kagura was not much of a lady. She doesn't know well enough to notice her slipping towel. If by any chance her towel fell down, he would never be able to live with himself… or even be alive anymore, because Umibozu would probably be waiting in some dark alley to smash his head with an iron pipe.

"Kagura, Stop!" He shouted a warning, but when she didn't stop, he decided to throw Kondo up at the surprised Otae, and sprinted for the girl who was unaware of the towel-slipping situation.

At that faithful moment, when the towel begun to unravel itself at 00.1 mili-seconds, Gintoki dove forward and aided Kagura. His hands came around, pulled her shoulders, rolled her in, tucked the corner of her towel against her back, hailed her up, and threw her back like a potato sack into the women's bathrooom.

"HAA!" Gin huffed in that effort. He watched his daughter and her innocence landed back into the water-filled bathtub safely. He was satisfied for a second, until he felt some sort of empty feeling around his lower half.

The samurai looked down, only to see that his one and only article of clothing was no longer there. He looked up slowly, turned to the side, and saw his bright yellow towel in Okita's grip.

Okita looked down at his hand, too. He had grabbed onto Danna's towel in a haste of rush when he saw that Kagura was being lifted away. The feeling that came across him was so fast; he didn't even have a chance to understand what it was. Gently, as if it could fix anything, he dropped the towel to the floor and pointed at it.

"Oh, when did this get here?" He deadpanned in what he thought would be a surprised face.

"Gin-san…" Otae got up slowly, recovering after she kicked the hell out of the unconscious Kondo who landed on top of her, and then she stopped. Looking at the stark naked samurai standing alone in the middle of the bathhouse, her face turned bright red.

She opened her mouth into a scream. "You perverted bastard!"

And along came her handy weapon as she charged at him with full speed. And shrill voices were heard throughout the place.

* * *

Shinpachi patted Gintoki who was faced down on the ground his at shoulder sympathetically. He was the witness of that heroic action which took place in less than a second. Came along Hijikata who carried the unconscious Kondo on his shoulder. He looked as if he wanted to say something to the bruised and beat up samurai, but then changed his mind. In the end, as he walked out of the bathhouse with Okita and Konda, he turned around to give Gintoki a slight thumb-up. Apparently, he'd seen it, too.

Gintoki, the hero of the night, was too hurt to do anything else and could only sobbed to himself.

* * *

**Hey guys! Haven't updated in a long time. As you can all see, I based the first scene from where they entered the bathhouse from the anime. So though I did wrote the whole thing, the dialogue from the beginning up to the line "Fine! Let's take this outside! I'll show you what tweezers can do!" does not belong to me. However, I rest of it was me. So there. Disclaimer of the anime and stuff was done!**

**Thank you for reading, as always. PLEASE REVIEW!**


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